2011 in review, with a heavy heart

I haven't posted here since the Stone Roses reformed (no North American dates YET, those wankers), and that was a long time ago (over 2 months ago) but I've been busy.

• starting at the end of October 2011 TGTF became the Guardian Music-endorsed TGTF, showing up regularly on their "Best of the Music Blogosphere" blog roll. (at the time of this writing, my Top Gigs of 2011 is still sitting on their blog roll, which is pretty cool for Casiokids, Dutch Uncles, White Lies, the Joy Formidable and the Coronas, b/c they got attention I'm sure they weren't expecting.) in early December I was asked by two members of Delphic WHY I was still hawking TGTF badges on my holiday in Manchester and the answer was, "we are now the Guardian-endorsed TGTF, I have a reputation to protect!" this included making sure we had plenty of not just content but GOOD content for them to choose from. which meant many, many late nights for me.

• speaking of that holiday, I was away for my birthday in England for 16 days but was ill for 14 of them. so my plans to do a lot of poetry and songwriting went by the wayside of trying to stay in as physically fit as possible state for 10 gigs, hanging out and drinking with friends and colleagues, a lot of sightseeing-related walking, and travel between 3 different English cities. to say I was wiped by the time I returned is an understatement. somehow though I managed not to take a single day off work since I returned. (yes, I am such a good little employee.)

if you were wondering what those 10 gigs were, they were:

• Dutch Uncles Now Wave show (Fiction supporting) - 02.12.11 - Deaf Institute, Manchester, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• Example (Fenech-Soler supporting) - 01.12.11 - Apollo, Manchester, England
• Exit Ten (A Thousand Autumns, Tomorrow We Radio, and Fei Comodo supporting) - 29.11.11 - Fibbers, York, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• Billie Butterfly fund 'Magic in the Air' charity show featuring Everything Everything, I Am Kloot, and Badly Drawn Boy - 28.11.11 - Comedy Store, Manchester, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• City Reign EP launch (Stella Marconi and Modern Alarms supporting) - 26.11.11 - Gulliver's, Manchester, England
• Blonde Louis homecoming show (Monaco Bears and Camus the Cat supporting) - 25.11.11 - Plinston Hall, Letchworth, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• Cashier No. 9 (Kowalski supporting) - 24.11.11 - XOYO, London Old Street, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• Pete and the Pirates (The Catcher 9 supporting) - 22.11.11 - Buffalo Bar, London Islington, England
• City Reign (Wire Trees and Ulysses supporting) - 19.11.11 - Bull and Gate, London Kentish Town, England - my There Goes the Fear review
• I Dream in Colour single launch show (Heroics and Anchor and the Dove supporting) - 18.11.11 - Bull and Gate, London Kentish Town, England - my There Goes the Fear review

• I got to interview Marc Riley for TGTF inside the new BBC in Salford and who should walk in but Stuart Maconie?!? hugs and photos ensue. I never could have predicted that happening. I'm still amazed thinking about it. and he remembered me from my letters and me Tweeting him? what are the odds of that?


• going back to the Guardian coverage, we suddenly had a lot more interest from potential writers. I am finding this good and bad. it's great to have interest. but gee whiz, if you plan to contribute somewhere, be sure you respond to your editor's emails. I can only assume you don't care or you're too busy to respond - and therefore not a good fit - if I don't hear from you. that has been pretty frustrating: maybe because I'm a woman, some people think I'm a pushover. not in your life. but I've picked up at least one good writer who is a friend of a regular contributor, so that's good...


• but I can tell, it's a tough road ahead in 2012. I'm trying to not let this spectre of being tops in the Guardian's books hang over my head...like it already is. it is hard being me. I don't think anyone realises how much I put into the blog, how I sometimes lie awake at night thinking about how to make the site better, how to help my writers achieve their dreams, how I'm going to start a new campaign to promote a fledgling band I believe in and how exactly I plan to do that. I didn't mean for it to happen, but the blog has become my life. I'm not whinging: I'm very proud of what TGTF has become under my leadership and we still have leaps and bounds to grow and become even better. it's like when Elvis was saying he was jealous of the Beatles being a group: when you're the person running something big, you can have lots of supporting players, but no one but you knows the pressure of keeping things in tip top shape. and it is a lot of pressure.


• it's become very clear that one important thing has to happen before I can even *think* about leaving America for England. and that thing - something that could actually happen, versus something that will never happen, like me getting cured - is not going to happen anytime soon, so I think I can kiss my dream of living in England goodbye. and surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I had such a violent shock to the system on this trip that I'm not really sure when I'll return. if I do, I'm guessing it will have something to do with my dear friend Matt Abbott, whose presence I miss daily.

I'm going to work on trying to post more here in 2012, starting with one of those a "song a day" memes. I already know it's going to be tough work - not for the posting aspect, but for the choosing of the songs.

I learned something important this year, which I should have already predicted from the pain I experienced some 399 days prior. something still weighs so heavily on my heart, after the knife went in and then was twisted. it is so big it threatens my mental acuity, my health, all my future relationships. I can be in a public place, in the middle of a crowd, on an airplane, in an elevator...and I will start to cry. it's not right. everyone says I'm so strong; if only they knew. this is me, after years of fighting like my father said I would always have to. sometimes I am tired of fighting and being the strong one, I need someone to lean on. and the one person I want to lean on...I can't. he has no idea...and I have no way to tell him.

sometimes I feel like it is going to engulf me like a huge, oncoming wave with no warning: cold, painful, unrelenting. and sometimes I don't care that my life would end if it did. sometimes I just pray at night that my eyes will not open again, because then I could be sure all the pain would dissolve.

you can have all the right words prepared. but they are useless if you're never given the opportunity to say them.

Twitter world is *not* the real world.

the more time I spend on Twitter, the more I'm convinced people think it works like the real world. it does, but in a worse way than the real world does. and I think that's possible. people need validation and their egos stroked in real life, but it seems like on Twitter the desire to be liked, in the case of some of the more difficult cases, the desire to hear the sycophantic cries of your followers, is magnified to ridiculous proportions.

I've regarded Twitter as a useful tool b/c it's like Facebook and AOL IM rolled into one. (if anyone like me is still around out there that remembers what AOL IM was.) you can use it to tell people what you're doing, and if you're into music, what music turns you on and what you're listening to at the moment.

this afternoon I made a factual (so what I considered a completely unincendiary) statement about the absence of Steve Lamacq from 6music this week. a good majority of my followers don't listen to 6music as much as I do (or even listen to it at all) so I was stating the fact that Andrew Collins was subbing for him while he is in Brooklyn on quasi holiday, quasi work trip, and with Collins in for Lammo, the show isn't the same. Lammo is an indie music cheerleader of sorts, whereas Collins is a comedian (I recall him going to Edinburgh Fringe quite a lot?) / lit chap these days. it's like comparing apples to oranges. the show is bound to be different when you've got a different presenter.

Radcliffe/Maconie suffers a similar fate when one of them is out and the other must present solo, and the Mark Radcliffe fans love it when Stu is away, b/c he plays more indie-ish (?) stuff from what I can gather? and the Stuart Maconie fans like me are chomping at the bit when Mark is away, b/c Stu gets away with playing more Northern soul, and he tends to flirt with his female guests and generally be adorable (haha).

"one of the things is not like the other" is something we learned from Sesame Street, right?

somehow Mister Collins took my comment of "I miss Lammo. no offence to @CollingsA but drivetime isn't the same (:" as a personal slight. had I said, "Collins, you suck!" or "Andrew Collins should never be allowed to host drivetime, evah!" I could see he would have a decent argument for being upset. to a certain degree. in any event, he thought I was dissing him.

what's even loonier about the whole thing is that Collins must have been looking up his @replies to have found my Tweet in the first place. I'm sure Mister Big UK Media doesn't follow an inconsequential person like me, so that's the only way he could have found it. my guess is that it must have been a really slow night in London and with nothing to do, he went fishing for compliments through his @replies or possibly (and quite masochistly?) was looking for complaints into his second day of subbing for Lammo.

unfortunately, he found the Tweet and decided it was grounds for (minor) war. he said something to me that I regarded as a bit of a threat, saying I shouldn't say things on Twitter I wouldn't say to his face. ok, so you tell me, what part of "I miss Lammo. no offence to @CollingsA but drivetime isn't the same (:" is hateful? I don't see it. I'm not an arsekisser *and* I'm a fan and friend of Lammo's so the last thing I'm going to say to any of his substitute presenters is "you're so wonderful, I love it when Lammo is away and you can fill in for him!" b/c I don't think that.

apparently, I was supposed to be sensitive to the fact that Andrew Collins might misconstrue a statement of fact as a dig at him. and oh yeah, he said I needed to learn Twitter etiquette and not use his Twitter handle in my Tweets so he won't read them and get upset. ummm...WTH?

I ended up deleting the Tweets because I just don't have time to deal with any rabid Collins fans coming after me with a pitchfork. some of my followers who also follow him have told me they read the exchange and either laughed and/or shook their heads at what happened.

the man has 10,000+ followers. if he feels the need to go after an innocent comment someone made stating a preference for a favourite presenter on a threatened radio station, that's pretty stupid.

a couple weeks back I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. now I'm not allowed to state facts. Twitter just keeps getting more interesting. (ha!)

FYI this whole thing ended up confirming what I already knew: I prefer Lammo above all others :)

(oh yeah, and I *still* think that Foals track sounds like Doves.)

edit 24 Mar 2010, 9:30 AM: he's still going on about Twitter etiquette. is there such a thing? this is pretty weird. it's like having the Emily Post of Twitter come back at you and tell you you've made a social gaffe.

dunno, I suppose I should be grateful that he slightly backpedaled on his previous vitriolic Tweets to me.

CollingsA
@theprintedword Not offence at comment, offence at etiquette failure re: using someone's Twitter name when you needn't have done

he wanted to make the point that any Tweet containing his name should be praise and nothing else? dunno. if you're expecting Twitter to deliver only compliments to your desktop / mobile phone / electronic gadget of your choice, I think you're missing the point of Twitter completely. it's a great equalizer b/c anyone with access to the internet can post whatever's on their mind, whenever they want. I wonder what his thoughts are on all the recent "comments" made about Director-General Thompson.

music reviewers are allowed to have opinions. full stop.

ok, so a big part of what I do in my spare time is review music. the keys to being a good reviewer are:

1) having an opinion in the first place. meaning being a wishy-washy waffler does not do you any good.

2) being passionate about music. it's pointless not to feel strongly one way or another in this business, b/c the whole point of music reviewing is to offer your opinion to other people who want to know about a release. seriously, what would the music world be like, if we all liked the same kind of music? I think we all agree it would be v. boring indeed.

there are plenty of reviewers I respect that I've disagreed with one time or another. it's called personal preference. do I hate Stuart Maconie for loving Florence and the Machine, even though I can barely tolerate her? or him steadfastly insisting that he's played Friendly Fires on Radcliffe/Maconie? (I highly doubt they have, because I am a regular listener.) no. disagreements happen. if it wasn't for criticism, bands wouldn't get better, would they?

I follow actor/DJ/music lover Mathew Horne (@mfhorne) on Twitter. he's a funny guy. also pretty nice, judging by the fact that he'll actually respond to fans' queries. we have similar music tastes (we both like We Were Promised Jetpacks, the Joy Formidable, Friendly Fires, and the Pains of Being Pure at Heart, just for example), and we're about the same age as well, so it's nice to "talk" to someone like that.

as I stated on Twitter this evening, I am not a fan of the new Foals single, 'Spanish Sahara' - it was one of 7 items reviewed on Roundtable last night. not only is the title an anachronism (the Sahara Desert is NOT in Spain, or even the Continent, so poor UK geography teachers have an uphill battle), I just don't like it, the melody reminds me of 'Jetstream' by Doves, a far superior track. that's my opinion and I offered it, just like the people on Lammo's Roundtable do each week. Mat Horne likes it:

mfhorne
Fuckadoodledo the new Foals single is compelling. Welcome back boys @foals

I decided to post my own opinion, not even in response directly to him OR insulting him or Foals. it was just an opinion.

theprintedword

unlike @mfhorne, I'm thoroughly unimpressed by Foals' newest single. sounds like Doves. I think they'll have to find new playmates soon

however, I was not expecting this exchange:

mfhorne

@theprintedword it does not sound like fucking Doves!

(calm down man, no need to swear. or throw a temper tantrum.)

theprintedword
@mfhorne can we agree to disagree, please? if it makes you feel any better, I didn't like the new Doves song either.

after a bit of reflection, I decided to post this, to prevent any Twitter flaming from the Foals-loving faction of Mat's fanbase:

theprintedword
oh dear, I didn't mean to start a war about this new Foals single. forget I mentioned it...

to which Mr. Horne replied:

mfhorne

@theprintedword thank the lord for that

I still have no cotton pickin' idea what that last Tweet means. frankly, I'm annoyed by the whole thing. interestingly, a friend of a friend had a similar incident with Mat last week, in which Mat dogged him as well. seriously, WTF? yes, I get you're an actor and you're famous, unlike the rest of us. but geez, I don't care who you are, temper tantrums are for 2 year olds.

I really doubt my opinion about a single matters to that many people. it's not like I'm Steve Lamacq. anything he says practically makes or breaks a band in the UK. unless Mat knows something I don't...! Foals have been around for a long while and have mates in high places so to speak (that was my intention mentioning 'playmates' of theirs I'm aware of that might be confused about the direction they've decided to go, away from 'Cassius' for one), so it's highly unlikely my one slag-off on them is going to do anything to their reputation.

in any event, it was a low blow. and as I stated yesterday on Twitter, I doubt Sean Adams of Drowned in Sound ever gets challenged and slagged off in public like I did.

save BBC 6music!

so I wake up from my illness-induced stupor, open my email, and read this from Emmy the Great:

--

hello all,

I don't tend to use my mailing list that often, so please forgive the twice in a week.

Firstly, we're doing Tweedy on Saturday night. She wins. Everybody loves her. Apparently she cries diamonds.

On another note, newspapers are reporting today that the BBC is closing down 6music. According to Shaun Keaveny on his breakfast show, this isn't set in stone, but it's a definite possibility.

6music is probably the only reason we sold any records, and it's certainly the only reason I pay a licence fee DESPITE NOT HAVING A TV. Now I guess I'm paying for the website.

They say in the report that one of the reasons is because 80% of adults have never heard of 6music - a weak excuse for closing down an ALTERNATIVE radio station. Consider also that it costs just under a third of Jonathan Ross's last reported BBC salary to run it.

There are still ways to show your discontent - If you're on Twitter chances are you've seen the top trend of the day is #saveBBC6music, but people are also leaving comments under the articles that broke the news (http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/media/article7041944.ece, or joining groups on Facebook (no links for that, sorry), or sending in emails to the station itself. I'm gratefully accepting any other modes of complaint, and will post them on Myspace as blogs.

It might not do anything, but it'll be a nice rush of activity before we return to throwing things at the radio every time the dial accidentally lands on a music channel.

Oh, and they're shutting down the Asian Network too. That's my plan B gone.

Thanks BBC.

from Emmy

--

Emmy is the only Chinese woman I know of and am proud of in "pop music" and I agree with her statements wholeheartedly. BBC 6music is a station that plays alternative stuff, not just top 40, not just stuff middle-aged people (sorry) want to hear on their commutes home. not only do they play great music, they have live sessions (the Hub sessions, as noted in a Tweet by Frankie of Frankie and the Heartstrings earlier today), they have cool specialist shows like Stuart Maconie's Freak Zone and Jarvis Cocker's Sunday Service, just started this year, and they even have cool documentaries on the history of music! I mean, it's not just the same boring sludge we get here in the States.

I realise I don't pay the license fee and therefore I'm not really in a good position to argue WHY the station should be saved because I've never "paid" for it as such, but I consider all the $ and £ I've paid to see concerts, buy music, buy merch, and travel around America and to Britain for ANY artist I've heard on the station as payment to the music community at large. b/c what 6music does better than any of the other BBC radio stations is get people excited about music.

BBC 6music also personally means a lot to me. not only do I listen to it a heck of a lot, I've gotten to "know" several of their DJs (in particular, Steve Lamacq, Nemone Metaxas, and Stuart Maconie) and if the radio station was canned, it'd be like losing members of my family.

I need to do some research on petitions and such. I already joined the Save 6music Facebook group weeks ago when Andrew Collins mentioned it on his Twitter that the gears were in motion for their closing.

dunno what I'm going to listen to if 6music closes. I guess I'll be stuck with Radio2 and the odd Radio1 programme. (I still think Zane Lowe shouts way too much.) if Drowned in Sound can be believed, Absolute Radio has said they'd buy the station, in which case I'll probably follow them instead.

2010 music festivals - alert

2010 festivals - I've hunted down sites for you, hope this is helpful! Muse appears to be the elephant in the room headlining wise, so if you're not a fan, you may want to check first to see if the festival you were planning on has them top billed.

SXSW - March - U.S. (Austin) => no-go this year b/c I passed on the opportunity from PW
Ultra Music Festival - 26-27 March - U.S. (Miami) - I'm waiting for more acts to be announced. a single woman going by herself isn't really prudent, I don't think :(

Coachella - 16-18 April - U.S. (SoCal) => no-go unless I get a press pass b/c the line-up didn't impress me

Dot to Dot - 29 May (Bristol), 30 May (Nottingham), 31 May (Manchester) - England - I really enjoyed Notts last year!
Pinkpop - 28-30 May - Holland (Landgraaf/Heerlen)
Isle of Skye - May - Scotland - hmm, site not up anymore
Ibiza Rocks - Tuesdays throughout May and September - not sure about this one b/c they were Ibiza and San Antonio last year

Rock am Ring - early June - Germany - generally heavier rock, but Moz performed there years ago
Download UK - mid June (?) - England (Donnington) - generally heavier rock
Isle of Wight - mid June - England
Glasto - June - England

Rock Werchter - July - Belgium (Leuven)
Roskilde - July - Denmark (via Copenhagen)
Oxegen - July - Ireland (County Kildare via Dublin)
T in the Park - July - Scotland (Balado, Perth and Kinross)
Latitude - July - England (Suffolk) - this one would be awesome if certain bands played it this year...
02 Wireless - July - England (London)
Benicassim - July - Spain
Download - 3 certain weekends July through August - U.S. (SF, LA, Philly?)
Cambridge Folk Festival - July into August? - England
Camp Bestival - 30 and 31 July and 1 August - this looked interesting to me b/c Rob da Bank got Friendly Fires to close out the festival Sunday night. but v. pricey.

Virgin Mobile - August - U.S. (Toronto, B'more)??
Lollapalooza - August - U.S. (Chicago)
Summer Sundae - August - England (Leicester)
Pukkelpop - August - Belgium
Frequency - August - Austria
Lowlands - August - Holland - a plus: has tents
V - August - England (Chelmsford/Staffordshire)
Reading/Leeds - August - England
Electric Picnic - August - Ireland (County Laois)
Get Loaded in the Park - August - England (London/Clapham)
Creamfields - August - I'm not entirely sure where this is. according to their "By Air" page, you should go to either Manchester or Liverpool Intl, which is entirely unhelpful. and throwing out "Merseyside" (which I know is near Liverpool) and "Warrington" (Stuart Maconie, help!) in their "By Car" directions don't help much either! :)

Isle of Wight Bestival - early September - England

listen up 2010! my personal band wishes

bands I'm desperate to see live for the first time
Two Door Cinema Club - just between you and me, I've got a terrible crush on the ginger Alex Trimble (teehee)
Dan Black - but I'm missing him at SXSW, arghhhh!
Delphic - in love with 'Acolyte', particularly 'Doubt'; would be particularly awesome if they played Ultra Music Festival this year in Miami
Hot Chip

bands I'm desperate to see again
Camera Obscura - but they are not coming anywhere near D.C. this spring, dayum!
Elbow - not likely to tour this year, boo!
Patrick Wolf - b/c 3x a lifetime is not enough. seriously.
Matt Skint (formerly Skint and Demoralised) - mah m8. it's been far too long.
Keane - the Forest Tour sounds soooo cool. the opening acts are awesome too.

bands I'm so flippin' excited to see this year (meaning I've already got these scheduled)
We Are Scientists (again) - and a new album on its way too!
La Roux - finally!!!
We Were Promised Jetpacks (again)
Editors
Muse - so I can wave my "I ♥ Dom" sign and fangirl over Mr. Howard, woot!
the xx (again)
Vampire Weekend - seeing them finally, after over 17 months of being completely shut out - twice - for their 9:30 Club shows in 2008

oh, and I really want to have drinks with Steve Lamacq and Stuart Maconie. ::grin::

--

not sure about this b/c it pains me terribly to say it but: I'm probably not going to England this year. mama needs a laptop and they don't come cheap - one laptop is about the price of a ticket from here to England, if you were wondering.

I don't like laptops at all: the screens are too small and the keyboards and touchpads are annoying as heck. but yeah, I need to enter the 21st century so I can write from the road if I'm travelling for gigs and festivals.

England, I ♥ you. why do you have to be so far away and so expensive? :(

Jarvis on Sundays!

in case you haven't heard since the initial announcement by Steve Lamacq weeks ago, ex-Pulp frontman and now solo artist Jarvis Cocker has now followed in the footsteps of Elbow's Guy Garvey and Bob Dylan and is now a presenter for BBC 6music.

you can catch his show on 6music from 1530 to 1730, right before Stuart Maconie's Freak Zone. just in time for tea (or brunch if you're on the American East Coast). TBH I didn't think much of his first show this past Sunday (10/01), twas a bit slow, but perhaps he just needs warming up.

Sundays with Jarvis

new year's? I'm so over it.

I've been sick since Sunday afternoon, when I thought my body might implode on itself. TBH I wanted someone to put me out of my misery, my stomach hurt that bad. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess I picked it up from my cousin's kid xmas day, b/c I have the tendency to pick up germs really easily (lucky me and my immune system) and you know kids and germs.

so yes, I have a stomach bug of near biblical proportions.

lest you think I'm kidding, I haven't been this sick (not including when I've been ill due to chemo) since I was in the 2nd grade of Mrs. Lyons's class (I was 8). back then there was no way my mother would let me go to school, but in the working world sometime you have to hunker down and grin and bear it. before 2010 arrives, I've pledged to clean off all my writing surfaces in my desk - something really important to an editor! - and I really want to tie off any loose ends so I've got a relatively clear path work-wise at the beginning of the new year.

feeling poorly, I haven't been much in the mood to do any reviewing. (I really should be doing a review of a remix album so that we'll be in the good graces of a certain label b/c I'd like to work for them someday. but I just can't bring my body to sit at a computer any longer than necessary. my stomach is making some heinous gurgling noises.) I'm scheduled to see a bunch of bands next Friday (08.01). and I hope by then my mood will have raised b/c otherwise I'm going to have a real problem keeping the smile on my face, trying to cover the gig and take photos. I really like Locksley: originally from Wisconsin, they've got a fun sound and they're the band of the four that I'm really looking forward to most.

with this stupid bug, there's defo no going out for me for NYE. most likely I'll be sat in front of the computer trying to amuse myself with YouTube videos and a Region 2 DVD that only runs on my antiquated graduate school-era PC that runs Windows ME. (no joke.) and instead of champagne, I'll be drinking de-fuzzed ginger ale.

other things that are bugging me right now...

1) I was out sick all day Monday. I spent the day curled up in the foetal position on my bed, trying to sleep. I come back on Tuesday AM and notice the photos I have in frames on my desk had been moved, as have my xmas cards. there's no reason I'd have the back of a xmas card facing me. furthermore, it makes no sense that photos of me and my friends would not be facing where I sit at my computer.

that someone touched any of my beloved photos gives me murderous thoughts. almost as murderous as the time the new girl came into my office and grabbed one of my beloved photos from Nottingham off my desk *without even asking* and proceeded to gawk, "why do you have such cute friends?" er...none of your beeswax!

2) I work really hard in all parts of my life and have gotten to the point of asking myself, "what's it all about?" I mean, really? it reminds me of a quote from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn from Francie's mother Katie - "I want to live for something. I don't want to live to get charity food to give me enough strength to go back to get more charity food."

for the same token, I work so hard for everything in my life - and I guess that's why I've always been take advantage of, b/c I have this desire to finish what I've started, to do everything well. but is that all there is? not including uni, I lived in the same town all my life. I really want to get the eff out of here and over to blighty. but a discussion I had with my mum and other relatives at xmas regarding my insurance requirements that will make this dream of mine unlikely. so I'm feeling frustrated.

I've always had to work so much harder than everyone else to get certain things to happen in my life (especially when I've been sick) and for once, it'd be nice to be recognised and rewarded. everyone wants that. it seems the only times I've ever gotten recognised was when I killed myself to finish something to the best of my ability, like my B.Sci. (Hons).

I can't help but think that I'm sick right now b/c I'm so stressed out and my body's had enough.

3. I might need a break from all this blogging. dunno. I had no real expectations of what would happen once I started writing for music blogs, so I can't say I was truly surprised/stunned/etc. by what's happened to me in the last 10 months b/c I really had no idea, there's no way I could have even guessed. I sure have some great memories, but I also have some painful ones. I'm not sure if my personality is up to doing this (music writing) for a living.

I'm thinking back to the glorious letter I received from Stuart Maconie and his uplifting words of "Do what you love is my advice. And take care of yourself". at the time I had such high hopes but now, not so much.

I need a period of re-evaluation. I don't know *who* I love anymore, let alone *what* I love.

4. I hate rice. I'm eating it for lunch right now. I've been having it plain every day since I've been sick for nearly every meal. having a wheat allergy sucks, I can't even have a Saltine. and don't even dare tell me "rice cracker" b/c that's RICE!

5. I'm so tired right now from being poorly I'm gonna snap. like a twig.

I look at the stupid nail polish on my fingers and then my swollen ankle (for some reason, my left ankle has been swelling up over the last year and my doctor has no idea why) and get upset.

in any event...see you on the other side...in 2010.

--

and oh yeah, as a reward for those of you who have read this far, here are some links from D.C. gigs that have not been posted yet:

Fanfarlo @ Iota (Arlington VA)
PW review
TGTF review

Phenomenal Handclap Band @ Rock n Roll Hotel
TGTF review

reflections on 2009

we're getting ever closer to the end of 2009 and 2010 is coming up fast, so I thought I better write my "how was my year" post. I've already had to think about what my best albums and gigs were of the year and that was hard enough, but to think about what emotions I've had and crazy medical stuff I've been through this year is another ball of wax completely.

it's probably not the best idea to write this post now considering I'm in a weird mood:

1. I'm shattered from two v. late nights of gigging (excellent gigging I might add - Friday night at a sold out Iota for Fanfarlo and then Saturday night at a not-as-full Rock 'n' Roll Hotel for Phenomenal Handclap Band, who was missing Sean Marquand, who waves to me from the stage every time he sees me - so boo),

2. it's raining here today, which means my whole body is aching (my body is like a barometer, every time the pressure changes, my joints feel it),

3. got into a terrible row with my insomniac mother this morning for reasons unclear to me (so I have nothing to be sorry for), and

4. last night was my last gig of 2009 and for over a month (until the Cribs on 19 January), and I'm a bit sad about that.

...but I'd like to do this before I forget.

--

so what happened in 2009? top 10 events, in chronologic order:

1. I started this blog here. I hope it's been an interesting read for someone out there.

2. my love of music turned into "professional" blog writing. and I joined up with Popwreckoning as one of their writers. I've been working so hard for them, I have over 100 posts in less than 9 months. not bad eh?

3. I fell in love with Friendly Fires. This is not to say I haven't fallen in love with other bands or singers this year but if we're talking major "head over heels" falling in love, this band is it. That's the only way I can explain that I've seen them 5 times, 4 of those times in a town that is not my own. or theirs for that matter. at this point, I joke that they should give me an honorary bunk on their tour bus.

4. I met my first "rock stars" - Noah and the Whale - through blogging and because they knew me, I hung out with them after their D.C. show. still sad that Doug Fink has left the band and has become...a doctor (?!?!?)

5. I went to my first music festival - Dot to Dot - in Nottingham, England. Why? Because Friendly Fires was headlining and I was given an offer to interview Edd Gibson and Ed Macfarlane there. It was my first major interview, and since then, I've had the opportunity to sit down and chat with a lot of people, and I like to think that the FFires interview has helped spread the word around about me as a knowledgeable interviewer and a good-at-what-she-does type of journo.

It also helped that my friend Matt's Skint and Demoralised were playing, as well as Patrick Wolf and Ladyhawke. I also saw the Pains of Being Pure at Heart as well - Kip Berman laughing about this later, saying I must get around as much as they do :)

6. thanks to my condition, I hurt my arm on the way back from England and lost the use my left arm for over 2 months. I wrote to Stuart Maconie in Manchester when I was in so much pain that I was crying as I typed up all 7 of the Dot to Dot articles with my right hand. he wrote me back (I couldn't believe it) and he wished me well on everything I was doing with music.

I had to undergo a ton of physical therapy, and lots of treatment were required to get me back into shape. somehow I was a-ok when time came for Friendly Fires to play two shows in New York in August. so I went and had a great time.

7. I was asked to become USA editor for There Goes the Fear and agreed. Have been working really hard for that on top of everything I do for PW. It's been tough sometimes, especially with my health.

8. I reached a birthday milestone last month that, if I'm being honest, that I had predicted when I was 12 I didn't think I was going to make. every day for me is a struggle. I'm pretty private when it comes to this stuff so the people I work with on the blogs or because of the blogs (the bands) aren't aware of what I'm going through.

sometimes I wish I could tell them...because I dearly wish them to know, if only to be aware what kinds of things I have to give up, the chances I have to take with my health in order to go to them and see them play. music is really the one thing in my life that I can always count on, because I've learned that you can't - and shouldn't - always count on others. apologies if I sound cynical but that's just been my experience.

9. Fate stepped in and prevented me from making a fool out of myself in the name of love (this is conjecture but somehow I think it's likely).

10. ...

I'm leaving this blank for now b/c there's another 2+ weeks to go in December 2009 and maybe something nice will happen to me before 2010.

Stuart Maconie's opinions on this year's Mercury nominations

be quick, b/c it is only available for another 6 days on iPlayer!
The Radio2 Choice
Stuart Maconie looks back at the 1993 Mercury Award winning album, Suede by Suede. Stuart and Brett Anderson didn't always see eye to eye in the Brit pop era, we find out why in the Mercury Winners Show.

I do like a bit of Suede (not as much as my loveliest friend in South Carolina - !) but it wasn't so much about reminiscing about Stuart calling Suede a "Britpop" band as much as his comment about Steve Lamacq (the voice of reason" at the NME - hee!) and his opinions on the Mercury Prize nominees (and his four picks with a red asterisk*): [listen to the mp3]

Kasabian - "I quite like Kasabian, they seem to be the more intelligent version of Oasis a lot of the time"

*Bat for Lashes - "'Two Suns' - pleasant enough...can't really say it sets me alight, but is a very very good bet to win, as is *Florence and the Machine's 'Lungs'"

Friendly Fires - ..."'Friendly Fires', which I absolutely love" - I ♥ Stuart Maconie, but you already knew that :) if they win, Stuart and Ed Mac should so go clothes-shopping together.

*La Roux - "I quite like her"

the Horrors - "I thought they were completely gimmicky...I have not gone nuts about them as some people have"

*Glasvegas - "absolutely brilliant album and would be more than a worthy winner" (ugh. I'll forgive you Stu for the nice FF comment.)

Led Bib - "brilliant new schronky jazz that we would feature on the Freak Zone - not a chance"

Lisa Hannigan, Speech Debelle, Sweet Billy Pilgrim - "not much of a chance"

the Invisible - "they are v., v. cool in the Hoxton / Fin / Hot Chip way"

Elbow room

I remember the day when I was finally converted to the religion of Elbow. you know, that time-honoured belief system led by guru Guy Garvey. I'd heard the most luscious love song ever - "One Day Like This" :

drinking in the morning sun
blinking in the morning sun
shaking off the heavy one
heavy like a loaded gun

what made me behave that way?
using words I never say
I can only think it must be love
oh, anyway...
it's looking like a beautiful day...

you must not be human if that doesn't move you. not to mention the orchestration behind the lyrics, whew!

so when I read that Elbow were coming to D.C. to do one of their only two headlining gigs in America this year (the other date being in Los Angeles; they have since added an Atlanta date this coming Saturday, 8 August), I knew I just had to be there.

I also schemed such that I would head down to the club directly from work (via D.C.'s lumbering mass transit system to avoid figuring out where to put my car downtown where it wouldn't get hit or stolen) and queue up early. this was rather farcical, because I arrived promptly as I expected, around 5 PM (a good two hours before the doors would open, and another 4 1/2 until Elbow would take the stage) and not one soul was there. good, I thought.

oddly, three city policemen were standing right in front of the venue. I wondered how long I was going to have to wait by myself. two girls went up to the box office and were turned away b/c the show had sold out. I suggested they come back later b/c there are always people walking around outside the 9:30 before the doors open, trying to sell their tickets to other fans at face value. (note: my only gripe with English venues: touts run rampant outside every gig - at least I've seen them at all the ones I've been to. scruffy blokes have tried to chat me up either to sell tickets at inflated prices - "d'you need a ticket for tonight's show, luv?" - or they want to buy them cheaply off you in order to turn around and tout it to someone else - "anybody got tickets they want to sell?") I hope the girls did come back and were able to get in.

15 minutes later, a couple who had driven down from Philadelphia (the girl being a fellow music blogger!) arrived. we chatted a long time. we also stood next to the front door and I could hear them soundchecking for "Starlings" (the trumpets!), "One Day Like This", and "Grounds for Divorce". they sounded great many, many feet away and through glass, so I could only imagine what they'd sound like a couple feet away when I'd be standing at the barrier.

this gig also marks the first time I've ever been first in line at a gig.

then around 6 PM, the girl's boyfriend walked over from where we were standing - next to the box office/will call window. I had no idea why he'd walked over there...but it turns out it was b/c he recognised the figure of Guy Garvey, who had just come out of the front door of the venue and was looking for the band's tourbus. I'd seen it earlier, parked on the side street next to the venue. but poor Guy, he looked lost b/c he was probably thinking, where did it go, I JUST saw it!

so the girl said, "I think that's Guy Garvey, I'll save your spot, go over there and talk to him!" so I did. I was a nervous wreck. I am always this way around people who make music I adore. I hope one of these days I'll become the cool as a cucumber that one of my good friends is ALWAYS around rock stars, but the truth of the matter is, the level of respect I have for musicians/singers/songwriters is so high, I have difficulty rationalising that they might actually be normal, nice people. for everyone I've met so far, that's been the case. so what am I worrying about?

I'm really not sure how I got words out of my mouth, but it basically consisted of me telling him I was covering the event for our American music blog and going to do a write-up (he thanked me for that, that was so cute!). then we started talking about Stuart Maconie and Manchester (he said, "you know Stuart Maconie too? he's a good man, he is...") and then I said I was so glad that they came back to D.C. b/c I missed the show in April 2008 b/c I was ill with the flu. they'd played the Sixth and I Synagogue, a tiny venue with awesome acoustics but where no acts are allowed to curse. (seriously.) I also added, "I'll look out for Elaine the singer, I listened in on your Finest Hour show on Sunday!" and he just beamed, I think he was so happy that an American listened to his 6music programme. (if I get a sideways mention in his show this week, I will die.) he is just one big, adorable teddy bear. in all, v. exciting event in my life.

this incident was even detailed on 6music yesterday by Steve Lamacq for his National Anthem feature - have a listen, when he played one of my favourite songs in addition to telling everyone in the UK what had happened to me. I seriously need to give that man a lifetime supply of pints.

the review is done, I finished it last night - I'll add the link to the featured item at Popwreckoning later today when it posts, so watch this space!

I have an announcement!

well, I have several, actually. some of them I just haven't had the time to post about until now. for my sanity, I'll put them in chronologic order:

--

1. in June I posted a letter to one of my music journo heroes, Stuart Maconie (he of 6music's Sunday programme "Freak Zone" and the copresenter of Radio2's nightly programme "Radcliffe and Maconie") . he's always been a bit of a living legend in my and my friends' eyes b/c he has interviewed Morrissey more times you can shake a stick at and, from all appearances, has somehow maintained a confidence and kinship with the man. I stuck an international reply coupon and an SASE in with my letter, thinking that if he'd have time, he'd post me a promo picture of Mark and himself or something equally nonpersonal.

so on the second week of July, I come home from a long day's work and see in my pile of mail an envelope with this in the upper right hand corner:



I bit my lip as I opened the envelope and revealed a letter Stuart himself had typed out on A4 paper using MS Word. I won't bore you with the details, but the end of the letter (right before his signature in black Sharpie) was this:

Do what you love is my advice. And take care of yourself

S
xx

the man must receive bags upon bags of mail every day from his devoted legions of fans around the UK alone, not to mention anyone outside of the UK's borders who might fancy a listen to one of his shows. and he chose to write to me. I am v. grateful.

2. interestingly, there is a sideways connection between what Stuart Mac wrote me in his letter and Ed Mac of Friendly Fires. the day Stu wrote me was the day the Phenomenal Handclap Band was scheduled to come in for a live session for Radcliffe/Maconie. as usual, I tuned in that night, not knowing that it was the v. same day Stuart was going to write a letter to me. I knew nothing about the PHB until that morning of their session, when I opened an email from the le poisson rouge mailing list - where I'm seeing the Fires on the 12th - and I see the PHB is their support act.

I dunno about you, but I find the timing of both the email and when the band were visiting the Oxford Road BBC Manchester studios, ALONG WITH the choice of opening act must be more than a coincidence! I even dashed off a reply to Stuart with what had happened - this time no IRC and SASE, b/c I figured he didn't need to be bothered further! - but I thought he might be amused with this startling set of events.

at any rate, the PHB's live session with Mark and Stu was phenomenal (no pun intended) so I am looking forward to photographing and seeing them live in 10 days. eep!

3. my Paolo Nutini/Matt Hires/Erin McCarley gig report was made a featured item at Popwreckoning. you can read it here. I wasn't too impressed with Paolo (I think he may have just been a little pissed before coming onstage) but I really enjoyed Matt and Erin's sets and would have been happy if it'd just been the two of them.

Erin McCarley with her purty acoustic


that was the third time I'd been at the 9:30 this year and definitely the worst experience of the three. Doves had been sold out, yet tall guys let me stand in front of them on the balcony. the Camera Obscura crowd was filled with relatively mellow people - just like their music - and I never once felt threatened. fast forward a month to the Paolo Nutini show. let's just say that there were totally rabid fans from age 16 to age 50 and they screamed equally as loudly and passionately for Paolo, and the older set grated on my nerves for their "I'm allowed to be a b*tch and treat you like crap" sense of entitlement. when I went to go get my press pass - which was an ordeal in itself that I don't want to relive by typing it out here - one of these women shouted at the guy at the window that Paolo's tour manager had said she could go in before everyone else, because "I have to be in the front."

lady, unless you're his mum, you line up with the rest of us. end of story.

I do not have a problem with REAL fans lining up early and taking up the front spots b/c I'd rather have a real fan in front than a posturing industry type or someone who's shoved their way to the front from the back. we're all fans and we're in this together - be kind to your fellow fan.

4. bands have been making fall tour announcements left and right. some of the blast from the past notables:

Pearl Jam
Manic Street Preachers
Muse (touring w/ U2)
Leonard Cohen
Mew

5. good lord this has gotten long. will be back in a mo' with another post to finish up...