30 December 2009

new year's? I'm so over it.

I've been sick since Sunday afternoon, when I thought my body might implode on itself. TBH I wanted someone to put me out of my misery, my stomach hurt that bad. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess I picked it up from my cousin's kid xmas day, b/c I have the tendency to pick up germs really easily (lucky me and my immune system) and you know kids and germs.

so yes, I have a stomach bug of near biblical proportions.

lest you think I'm kidding, I haven't been this sick (not including when I've been ill due to chemo) since I was in the 2nd grade of Mrs. Lyons's class (I was 8). back then there was no way my mother would let me go to school, but in the working world sometime you have to hunker down and grin and bear it. before 2010 arrives, I've pledged to clean off all my writing surfaces in my desk - something really important to an editor! - and I really want to tie off any loose ends so I've got a relatively clear path work-wise at the beginning of the new year.

feeling poorly, I haven't been much in the mood to do any reviewing. (I really should be doing a review of a remix album so that we'll be in the good graces of a certain label b/c I'd like to work for them someday. but I just can't bring my body to sit at a computer any longer than necessary. my stomach is making some heinous gurgling noises.) I'm scheduled to see a bunch of bands next Friday (08.01). and I hope by then my mood will have raised b/c otherwise I'm going to have a real problem keeping the smile on my face, trying to cover the gig and take photos. I really like Locksley: originally from Wisconsin, they've got a fun sound and they're the band of the four that I'm really looking forward to most.

with this stupid bug, there's defo no going out for me for NYE. most likely I'll be sat in front of the computer trying to amuse myself with YouTube videos and a Region 2 DVD that only runs on my antiquated graduate school-era PC that runs Windows ME. (no joke.) and instead of champagne, I'll be drinking de-fuzzed ginger ale.

other things that are bugging me right now...

1) I was out sick all day Monday. I spent the day curled up in the foetal position on my bed, trying to sleep. I come back on Tuesday AM and notice the photos I have in frames on my desk had been moved, as have my xmas cards. there's no reason I'd have the back of a xmas card facing me. furthermore, it makes no sense that photos of me and my friends would not be facing where I sit at my computer.

that someone touched any of my beloved photos gives me murderous thoughts. almost as murderous as the time the new girl came into my office and grabbed one of my beloved photos from Nottingham off my desk *without even asking* and proceeded to gawk, "why do you have such cute friends?" er...none of your beeswax!

2) I work really hard in all parts of my life and have gotten to the point of asking myself, "what's it all about?" I mean, really? it reminds me of a quote from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn from Francie's mother Katie - "I want to live for something. I don't want to live to get charity food to give me enough strength to go back to get more charity food."

for the same token, I work so hard for everything in my life - and I guess that's why I've always been take advantage of, b/c I have this desire to finish what I've started, to do everything well. but is that all there is? not including uni, I lived in the same town all my life. I really want to get the eff out of here and over to blighty. but a discussion I had with my mum and other relatives at xmas regarding my insurance requirements that will make this dream of mine unlikely. so I'm feeling frustrated.

I've always had to work so much harder than everyone else to get certain things to happen in my life (especially when I've been sick) and for once, it'd be nice to be recognised and rewarded. everyone wants that. it seems the only times I've ever gotten recognised was when I killed myself to finish something to the best of my ability, like my B.Sci. (Hons).

I can't help but think that I'm sick right now b/c I'm so stressed out and my body's had enough.

3. I might need a break from all this blogging. dunno. I had no real expectations of what would happen once I started writing for music blogs, so I can't say I was truly surprised/stunned/etc. by what's happened to me in the last 10 months b/c I really had no idea, there's no way I could have even guessed. I sure have some great memories, but I also have some painful ones. I'm not sure if my personality is up to doing this (music writing) for a living.

I'm thinking back to the glorious letter I received from Stuart Maconie and his uplifting words of "Do what you love is my advice. And take care of yourself". at the time I had such high hopes but now, not so much.

I need a period of re-evaluation. I don't know *who* I love anymore, let alone *what* I love.

4. I hate rice. I'm eating it for lunch right now. I've been having it plain every day since I've been sick for nearly every meal. having a wheat allergy sucks, I can't even have a Saltine. and don't even dare tell me "rice cracker" b/c that's RICE!

5. I'm so tired right now from being poorly I'm gonna snap. like a twig.

I look at the stupid nail polish on my fingers and then my swollen ankle (for some reason, my left ankle has been swelling up over the last year and my doctor has no idea why) and get upset.

in any event...see you on the other side...in 2010.


and oh yeah, as a reward for those of you who have read this far, here are some links from D.C. gigs that have not been posted yet:

Fanfarlo @ Iota (Arlington VA)
PW review
TGTF review

Phenomenal Handclap Band @ Rock n Roll Hotel
TGTF review

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